Masculinity and femininity

Ashtanga was created as a practice for men or, more specifically, young and healthy boys. However, currently it is practiced by many women – sometimes it seems there are more women that practice it than men. It is getting more common for female Ashtanga teachers from across the world to talk about the feminine aspect of this practice. This subject is close to my heart as well, so I have decided to ask one of my yogi friends about it. She is called Agni Adamek and has been living in Lagos, Portugal, for some time now. She has responded with a beautiful text full of poignant reflections. I am happy to share it with you.

I believe that the point of both the Primary Series sequence and abhyasa – the effort of discipline – is to strengthen the masculine element (yang) in us. It matches the generally accepted outlook on life: what counts is the strength, perseverance and conquest. We should tackle our practice the same way we tackle our lives, as the one reflects the other. The more “units of force” you have in your body, soul and mind, the smoother your breath flows and the easier it generally gets for you. Those are valuable lessons. Living in a masculine world, women strengthen their masculine side. This seems so natural, too. But it is not the only way. There is the feminine element (yin), as well. In my case, personally, it had been difficult to appreciate it for most of my life. Today, I believe that the feminine power – not the masculine force – is the only thing that can save us, as a species. The main issue being, of course, the disastrous effects of the global warming.

What I mean by the “feminine element” is being present: observation, submitting oneself to the flow of life, trust in Mother Earth and in things simply happening on their own, letting go of desires and ideas – on a more and more profound level. Simply put, being present and accepting. There is not a lot of excitement in that. The mind, which represents the masculine energy, might consider it boring or lazy. Or it might tell you something different – whatever it can muster, based on the traumas and wounds you have experienced. For me, there was also the element of ordinary fear; I dreaded being alone with myself.

By the way, I would like to mention something important about the terms I use. The “feminine/yin” and “masculine/yang” do not map neatly onto the concepts of Shiva and Shakti, where Shiva represents the emptiness and space, while Shakti stands for the energy of creation. The concepts of “femininity” and “masculinity” have been overgrown with a thick layer of additional meanings. I would gladly switch to different terms. But, for now, I will stick with them.

Practice

Currently, my main practice consists in the return to femininity. To being completely present. And the key here is pleasure. I know it sounds slightly hedonistic, so I will try to explain it.

The point is not to chase pleasure, but to discover it, where it naturally waits for you; to explore the softness of the practice, to allow yourself to melt into it and let it develop on its own – without expectations, demands or plans. It is not a novel discovery. Beside abhyasa (the discipline aspect), there is also vairagya (a dispassion regarding results or detachment from them). Hence, I try to balance the masculine and feminine elements in my practice. I usually get up at 5:30 AM, though sometimes, when I feel like it, I start my day at 6:00 or 6:30. I get to stay in bed longer and experience the sensual nature of the morning filled with birds chirping. This, too, is a part of my practice – the opening of my senses. It is perfect for my lazier days. I begin in the garden. I usually make it on time for the sunrise. First, I turn to the four corners of the world and form a connection with the four elements, standing barefoot in the morning dew. When I feel the ground under my feet, I turn my face to the ocean and the first rays of sunshine, feeling the wind on my skin. That is also where I practice Nauli Kriya, at least 120 rotations – and I do count them. Then, I move to the shala. For 30 minutes, I practice a beautiful sacrum activation sequence, where I wake the energy of the first and second chakra, and move it towards my head using waves of motion, breath and sound. After that, I do Kapalabhati – 3 series of 120 breaths. I adore this fiery pranayama. Same as Nauli, I've been practicing it every day for many years. I count this one, too – the masculine precision of counting binds my mind. Unrolling my mat has been with me every day for many years as well. This is the foundation. But what is going to happen next is a surprise to me every day. I do not plan it. Not anymore. After the Sun Salutations, I am sure of everything, though. I know where my body and mind are at the moment. I do what comes naturally to me at this time. It is extremely rare for me to practice the whole Primary Series now. It is just too much. It might be that the Primary Series is not as necessary to me as it used to be, back when I needed to build my strength and discipline. Currently, my practice usually consists in a half of the Intermediate Series. The practice is splendid – deep, challenging, and adequately long. There used to be a time when I practiced the whole Primary Series and a half of the Intermediate Series – till Eka Pada Sirsasana. I used to feel very good about it. I cannot really imagine doing it now, but I do not preclude coming back to it at some point. Everything flows and changes. It is visible in the practice. My practice often ends with the standing asanas and the finishing sequence. Sometimes it ends with the Sun Salutations. However, I strive to be fully present in my motion and breath, and to use snake-like motion and strong work with the bandhas to direct the energy woken up in the sacrum towards my heart and head. When I focus on those aspects, the number of asanas and their difficulty do not matter anymore. The Sun Salutations are a perfect sequence. I often do not feel the need to practice anything more than that. I feel satisfied with it. I feel charged, even vibrating. I am fullness – both femininity and masculinity. I allow myself to lie down for a long time in Savasana. I relish breathing deep into the belly and appreciate the fleeting, scattered thoughts that come to me sometimes. Right after, I practice a half-hour-long meditation of connectedness with the Earth and the Universe, the Bhramari Pranayama, Anulom Vilom Pranayama and Chit Shakti Prakriya. I have added the last one recently. It is a beautiful, powerful practice that activates the energy and wakes the consciousness. After all that, I am ready for the classes. So, my whole formal practice takes about two hours.

Later, I practice life – being as present, as I possibly can. With all the distractions and drama of everyday life. During the lockdown, I went deeper into the tantric practice of orgasmic yoga. It is an extremely profound practice in every dimension and I was shocked anew with its immeasurable potential. For me, it embodies the pure divine love and bonding with the source in the act of submission. Slowly, this practice also becomes my daily foundation. Like with all such direct experiences, the treasures it offers are difficult to describe. The practice moves the energy from the first and second chakra (connected to prosperity, vitality, the act of creation and unearthly pleasure) in a conscious bond with the energy of the heart chakra. It can be experienced both in the act of pleasuring oneself or with a partner. But that seems to be a different topic ;)

To me, this approach – the complete acceptance towards what happens each day while practicing asanas in Ashtanga – is the most significant change in my practice, ever since I started consciously working with the feminine element. I simply allow myself to feel the divine pleasure of being: present = pleasant.

I believe it is a perfect illustration of the feminine quality in the innately masculine practice of the Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga sequence. It creates the balance that makes me grow.

This was also the topic of my 2-day-long workshop titled Ashtanga Yoga meets Sacred Feminine, which took place in Lagos, Portugal, late in August. We talked a lot about pleasure! Not just about allowing oneself to experience it, but also about how essential its role really is. As I have said before, present = pleasant. I feel a certain power in the association of those two words. But pleasure needs to be experienced, not described. That is why I want to share particular practices, mostly tantric ones, in conjunction with Ashtanga. First, I will talk about it during the workshop, and then on my YouTube channel that I am currently setting up. I will allow these practices to complement and influence each other, similarly to how I experience them right now. I can only honestly share that what I experience, and only with those who find it to be their path.

Teacher as guide

I think that the narrative about a guru – a teacher who guides you – belongs to the old paradigm, the one related to masculinity: striving for perfection and gaining approval. In my case – at least for now – it does not work, even though I do believe that it would accelerate my journey, or make it easier. I would invite a teacher with an open heart, should one come my way. For now, however, I have not met a guru who could be more important to me than I am to myself. The precondition, of course, is the honesty of one's presence. Looking at one's weaknesses with bravery, but also with kindness. Loving oneself like a child, or like one's own student. On every level. This, of course, means a profound, continuous work in itself, which is performed parallel to every tiny lived experience.

The concept that I call Godessence can only fully manifest in us if we are able to love ourselves unconditionally. Because it is love. I have discovered a deep truth in the fact that only through love can I truly know and love fellow people, when I recognize the same essence in them. Hence, loving oneself and cultivating this self-love is not just a privilege, it is a crucial precondition.

I have also stopped calling myself a “teacher”. If someone is inspired by what I say or the values I live with, then by all means, I gladly share it at the Mysore practice or in the workshop. During Mysore, I only do it with the people I already know, when I feel that my thoughts could resonate with them. But I deeply respect their space and practice style, so I do not force anything on them or change them coercively. I adore assisting with my touch, gaze or breath. I can feel what is there and sometimes just soften it, in order to go deeper. Sometimes I like to stoke the fire too – because I happen to have a lot of flame in me! But I also encourage others to spend some time in Samasthiti with their eyes closed, so as to relax a bit between the asanas; to work with the distinct wavelike movement of the spine while breathing, to balance prana and apana and to move the warm, cumulated Kundalini energy upward from the base of the spine.

I am not sure whether it works that way, or if my experience would be the same for everyone. That is how I feel it – this is the image that I get in my experience. So, it is the only thing I can share. Basically, I encourage others to breathe fully: from the belly and sacrum towards the heart. To make the movement grounded. To work really consciously with bandhas. Because currently working with the breath and, consequently, the energy is foundational for me. It is much more interesting to me right now, compared to the work of advancing my practice towards next asanas. I prefer to deepen the practice, rather than advance it. It is interesting that the practice of asanas that I am currently at, i.e. up to Pincha Mayurasana, became much more profound thanks to practicing with breath and bandhas.

It has been my experience with some teachers of Ashtanga, who I have practiced with, that they did not perceive me as a unique practicing individual. I do not mean just the physical uniqueness, which is the easiest to notice. Because of course each of us is vastly different. Not just because of sex. It is secondary to me, in this context, to differentiate men and women, even though, of course, the biological sex is a very important aspect that defines us. Not necessarily in the energy context, though. There are, of course, women with a very “masculine” energy, the so-called “strong women”. There are “feminine” men, too.

I am afraid that I also do not have an adequate insight into the nature of each individual and I cannot always know for sure what is good for everyone. That is why I do not call myself a teacher; I am closer to an assistant or a helper. That is also the reason why I listen to the wisdom that manifests before me in each person – in their words, movements and breaths – when they come to practice with me. I do not feel the need to force my approach or discoveries onto them. And I definitely do not use orders or bans when it comes to the tradition of Ashtanga that I share with others. In my experience, sometimes it is enough to notice and respect what happens and let it just happen – to create a space for transformation. Because change is simply the nature of life. Of course, sometimes you can suggest something. Draw attention to a lost aspect of mindfulness. Advise. Deepen softly, using your touch. Breathe together. But it is important never to force anything or execute – forcefully – the so-called corrections or conceptions of what something should look like, or to measure the pose in steps. As a result, my Mysore classes are very relaxed. I have missed that when I practiced with other teachers. We have an open window and some music in the background. It is just nice like that. It does not mean it is easy. Everyone builds their practice according to their needs.

Searching

I have recently heard from one of my dear Ashtanga friends, who comes to practice with me, that my workshop and approach have “saved” her practice. She noticed it herself that after “banging out the Primary” for years, something stiffened in her. And this feminine approach has allowed her to let go and soften. Does everybody need that? I feel that in the Ashtanga community a lot of people would be greatly relieved to finally let go of the pressure put on asanas and realize that the true value lies in exploring the poses, not conquering them. In this approach, it is really not that important were you are, on which asana, in which series. Kapotasana comes with extremely deep emotions and insights. I would simply not be ready for them, have I not explored what comes before and not been aware of what I will experience in it. Now I have no expectations. The process occurs on its own.

Of course, there are teachers who are perfectly aware of that. It can be seen and felt immediately in how they practice teaching and assisting, in how they are in sync with the flow. But it is also visible in how they approach the daily life, practicing all the eight limbs of yoga.

Or, maybe it is natural for this softness to come later, with time? Maybe it is one of those beautiful qualities – or surprises – that the practice of Ashtanga has to offer, being exactly as it is? Maybe, if I did not practice it for years, cultivating the conquest of new asanas, the effort, perseverance and sacrifice, I would not feel the way I feel today? If I did not strengthen my masculinity, I would not have the space to invite femininity? I am trying to put into words how a healthy balance between masculinity and femininity works. How they create the harmony of life and practice, how they reflect each other. This is nothing new, of course. When it stopped being a theory for me and became my own experience, though, the magic of yoga started working miracles and giving me more freedom in all aspects of life. It has allowed me to come to the place where I currently am. I can allow myself to make my life into a spiritual practice. Here, in delightful Portugal, in prosperity, with a happy relationship and mental well-being. And with acceptance – if things were to go completely differently. Because I know that I am surrounded by unique conditions and circumstances. That is why I practice gratitude. I say words of gratitude every day before I fall asleep and sometimes during the day, too.

Nevertheless, I have worked to be in this place in life, as does everyone – consciously or unconsciously. For me, it was the everyday, diligent practice of Ashtanga – exactly as this practice was for all those years: either masculine or feminine, lazy or fiery. To me, the practice itself is the most important thing. The fact that it is there and the effort put into it.

And this magic is never gone! I believe it is only now beginning to bloom. It is happening all the time, in each moment, and I feel connected to it more and more often. It permeates me. It flows through me. There is not too much to do at those moments. It is enough to take a step back with one's expectations and allow the life to just happen, the decisions to simply be made, and the words to be spoken. It is an amazing experience, by the way.

I think it is not a coincidence that Ashtanga is such a popular practice, though many people criticize it, too. It is intense. It is easy to get lost in it. But there is, undoubtedly, a wisdom in it. I have still not penetrated this wisdom, but it aids me toward a profound development. It is definitely one of the foundations of my path.

translated by Monika Grzelak

Hi, I’m Agni, like fire in Sanskrit. Founder of Agni Way Yoga Shala in Lagos. I am Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga & Sacred Feminine daily practitioner. Yoga and bodywork in general are my way to work with my Body Mind & Soul for over 13 years. Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga with its fiery approach started a deep journey of transformations in my life.
I have met many wise teachers, but my main guru is the inner wisdom that I will invite you to discover in yourself. I create a unique signature ‘Agni Touch’ massage treatments. I’m constantly looking for a smooth flow, softness and pleasure resulting from inner strength. My motto is “To be soft and strong, and just let it flow”.
I invite you to my home yoga shala in Lagos for a shared practice to discover Ashtanga with feminine approach as a powerful way of work through pleasure: https://agniway.com.

photos: Agni’s archive